Many of you write in to me after reading SHSF. You write about problems, about issues and dilemmas. The details are not important - underlying it all is the basic issue of self esteem. If you don’t love yourself, believe in yourself… then who will? Sample this:
Hi Rashmi
Firstly, Congratulations for all the success you have achieved. You truly deserve it.
Well, I do not know how do I put this across your end.
I know you do not have time to read emails from strangers/unimportant people to you. (eh - why not, I do read emails from strangers and I don’t think of them as unimportant). But if you pay attention to what I am going to say here, you will realize that I am not a single entity. This is actually a voice of lot many people like me.
By cramming and not really understanding what it actually means, I did my engineering and like everybody I too started dreaming of going to US and making money in dollars, not realizing the effect of current market scenario and economy.Somehow I managed to take GRE and as expected I did not score exceptionally well majorly because of the reason A. (which I shall elaborate little later)
But, apart from my own willingness there, it was kinda social pressure on me to go to US as I am surrounded by people(someone of them are your fellow bloggers) who have made it to IIMs and/or Ivy Leagues of USA/Aus/Singapore. (Yes, there are few people who made it to both. IIM + Cornell. Great Na!?)
With all of that, I ended up coming to very average US university for my masters.
But performing ok-ish. Again reason A.
I screwd up in my marketing class as I could not deliver the presentation really well.
I could not speak. So audience(students + prof) couldn’t relate back to me. Reason A.
I avoid reading Blogs…. reason A.
I can’t blog even if I wish to… reason A.
I can’t write good document.. reason A.
I suck at project/other reports… reason A.
I cannnot participate in Case Studies….. reason A.
I sometimes cannot talk to local people here… reason A.
I avoid watching F.R.I.E.N.D.S. or Family Guy or even good popular english movies…. reason A.
I can’t read books even at the normal speed as others do…… reason A.
I can’t debate……reason A.
I don’t socialize with local people here….. reason A.
I dont get the jokes they say all the time… reason A.
<List is endless>
I guess you would have understood what the reason A is.
If not, lemme help you.
“I do not understand english so well.
My Vocabulary is very poor. I suck.”
Having done my schooling in local medium disinterests me in english.
I can’t read yours/others blogs so easily as I have to keep referring to dictionary.
Even sometimes I don’t understand from the dictionary.
I understand without reading I cannot improve, but this humiliation keeps me away from reading/watching/listening. It’s a never ending loop.
During your achievement/journey of Sophia college and IIM A, you might not have faced such issues. But there exist tons of people like me, who are now affraid of dreaming about IIMs or making to the big positions in MNCs. Or let’s just say… making it big in life.
English is a must and You know it.
But I cannot do it. Period.
It shadows all other great things I have in me And It surely hurts my ego.
Lot many people do not even have such high aims or the vision but I have it. I wish to raise my standard/bar to a level so that I can walk beside you or may be Raghuram/Ranvijay of MTV Roadies or may be top level managers or special people(assets).
I do not want to end my life sitting on one computer lying in the corner, coding for some bug-free softwares and end life being mediocre/average.
During this email, you might not have felt that I am actually suffering from this syndrome.
But I am. It has become a mental block now and gradually I am accepting it.
It’s okay if you prefer not to comment on this. But in any case, if you feel like blogging on this and addressing lot many people like me, please do not reveal this email or my identity as your fellow bloggers and readers will catch me in no time as they know I possess all the guts to make this stupidity. It is just my faith in you, your achievements and maturity that would get me through.
I thought of writing this to you when I saw you at IIM A for ‘Stay Hungry Stay Foolish’. But I am managing it now. Looking for to some positive response.
Take care!
Thank you.
Sincerely,
XXX
Just Another Reader.
My reply: Conclusion A: Your English is pretty good. It is the way you see yourself that is the problem
Skills can be learn, attitude can be changed. Do not be so harsh on yourself.
Keep a diary noting down one good thing that happened to you every day
One thing you like about yourself
One thing you did for someone else.
One thing for which you are grateful to God
Your life will change - for the better.
And on a general note: What can I say… except that any of you out there who feels like this, you need to look into the mirror and fall in love - with yourself. If that seems impossible and stupid, even, read a book called “You can Heal your life” by Louise Hays. I read it two years ago and, it changed me forever.